how's it gonna be?

I've been thinking about church for a while now and what makes a good one. Sometimes the things that attract me to a church are not very lasting things and I quickly lose interest. Sometimes I see an obvious thing I can get involved in, music for me, and think that's what I'm supposed to do. Sometimes it's just great preaching that's really clear and meaningful and culturally relevant and that's why I want to go, but I also want to be preaching those sermons because that's my calling personally. Sometimes there's great community. People that you've seen several times and just really connect with on a deep level and you are both so glad to see each other.
I have a deep stirring in my spirit that a change will be happening in my life and the life of my family. I don't think nearly as many people go to church as they once did because society has become so secular and disconnected. Church should never be a continuation of that and our church should be reaching and caring about people that are secular. I don't have solutions, just concerns. Concerns about the people I see out walking for exercise or running alone during church times and wonder how we've dropped the ball reaching them.
What do you think? All I know is that even though it's not all about me and mine, somebody has to reach us too. It's lonely out there. Come Lord.

down to business

So why am I the stay-at-home apologist? Well, I think there are 2 reasons. For most of my working life I haven't been at home, that is, not working at home. I have been in the workplace in a mix of secular and Christian jobs. I have to say I much prefer the secular. People have no expectations of you and you can BE your faith and once in a while get to talk about it, if others ask. I think I'm quite good at it. I've also worked secular jobs at the same time I've been doing some preaching and those in the Christ-soaked South wanted to see if I was for real or just another hypocrite. Or, that is to say, an obvious hypocrite.
Secondly, I think God has given me the responsibility of raising my daughter appropriately. I don't know that I'm doing a great job cause I don't feel much like playing 2 and a half year old games(her age) and I don't have a whole lot of energy due to just being destroyed from a rough last 10 years. But I do love her. I want her to know what Jesus is like the best way I can with whatever I have the energy to do.
So it's best for me right now to be stay-at-home. Especially since I can't work in this country anyway. I think it helps my wife and we don't have to have childcare. It's lame for me as a man to be at home but it's God's thing for right now. Maybe now I and whoever reads this are convinced of my stay-at-home apologist status.

getting over it

I don't know if posting about it is actually going to help me do it, but I have a great deal of venom and even hate flowing through my veins and I want it gone.
The school that hired me from another country for one year did not renew my contract for a second year and has left me stranded. And even though I HATED working there and didn't want to ever go back, I can't move on since I don't have a next thing. The guy who hired me and is a complete piece of garbage for living with me and my brother during the transportation and then doing this is now the PRINCIPAL for the foreseeable future. Interesting since the guy didn't even go to college and never even went to Christian schools or sent his children there, so how does he make it better?
I've never worked for such a Pharisaical bunch of people. I mean, I was told not to drink and smoke as a church-going kid in the South but this was pure evil. These were definitely the people that killed Jesus and ones he was so enraged by. I guess I should be thankful I only lost my job. Only I'm not. I pray terrible calamity on the board and their families. The kind of prayers David prayed against his enemies in the Psalms.
But I've got to get over this. Please God and community of Jesus, get me over this.